Nicklas Bendtner's Diary - Wednesday

BANG! Yeah that’s right. I was on F . I . R . E . last night. Arsene saw sense and put me on from the start and how long did it take me to find the net? FOUR minutes. Yeah I know. I’m the tits. It was a great goal too. I got the ball out wide and beat the entire West Brom defence before powering a shot into the bottom corner. There was no way the keeper was saving it – I mean that Carson is a class act and he got nowhere near it. My second was another class finish. I took the ball on my knee on the right side of the area and thrashed it into the net. I almost popped a boner at my own skill. I really do surprise myself sometimes. I came close to a hat-trick but I got put off by the lack of skill my team-mates were showing. Should guarantee me a place for Sunday’s game against Burnley in the F.A. Cup, although we’d be as well putting our name on the trophy now given my form.

I’m hoping that the fans will sing my song on Sunday. I haven’t heard them singing anything about me so I have taken the liberty of creating my own. It’s to the tune of Copacabana by Barry Manilow.

His name is Nicklas, he is a striker
With yellow boots on his feet, no way you’ll keep a clean sheet
He scores screamers, volleys in off the bar
And while he keeps being a star, Eboue is under par
Across the crowded box, his shots are never stopped
He is skillfull and truly handsome
Who could ask for more?

I’ve decided to skip training today. Me and Ema are going to go to town for a bit. We’ll likely go shopping for some new gear. I might actually help Ema get some new threads. His dress sense is horrific, and if he’s going to be hanging out with me then he needs to look the part. I won’t let him buy anything too cool though – those items are reserved for the N Man (a.k.a. me). I also want to nip into Au-Naturale while we are in to get a new full length mirror because I need a new one for my room. The one I have has been worn out by my handsome good looks.

I’ve been thinking about getting some diamante encrusted boots for a while now. I said it after I gave the pink ones their debut in the Champions League and people thought I was joking. They are on their way though. I put in a call to my agent this morning to ask him to chase Nike up on it. I have also asked him to look into getting me some TV work. I’d be amazing on TV. I’ll definitely go into punditry when I retire, but I’d like to get some showbiz experience just now. I think I could present the Oscars next year, or maybe something smaller like the Grammys.

I’ll likely have a quiet night in tonight. I’m going to have a look for a new hairstyle and maybe buy some threads from asos.com. I'll obviously watch replays of last night's game and tug myself.

Peace out. N.

Goal of the Month - February

After much deliberation we have awarded goal of the month for February to the ever try-hard Dirk Kuyt at Liverpool. His equalizing goal against Pompy on the 7th was from a ridiculous angle. It also spurred them on to a 3v2 win when it looked almost impossible. The goal scoring hat also goes off to Emile Heskey for his first goal for Villa, again against Pompy - why do they keep conceding good goals?

Nicklas Bendtner's Diary - Tuesday

Just back from training. It was a total joke. I was banging in the goals during the session, while RVP and the rest of them were missing left, right and centre. I was a little late because I was ironing my G-Star Elwood jeans. I've always been at the forefront of style and it's important to me to look good when I turn up. I wore my pink boots today too. I wanted to impress the boss. I'm so angry though because it looks like I'm not starting tonight. Arsene said it's 50-50 at the moment. I should be first on the teamsheet for every game.

I went round to Arsene's office after training to have a word. I told him how I felt. He brought in Cesc for his opinion. I don't even know why he's here just now - he's supposed to be injured. He said that I have a bad attitude and that most of the lads don't like me. I called him a jumped up little knob (which he is), but Arsene told me to go home and get myself together for tonight. I'm going to call my agent and try to engineer a move to Real or Barca. I'm sure they're both desperate to sign me. After all who wouldn't want the best player in the world?

Right, I best be off. I'm pretty sure Arsene will see sense and put me in the team tonight. I only have a few hours to get myself ready before we leave for West Brom. I'm going to look out my orange boots. They're beauties.

Peace out. N.

Mystic Wes 7

Sunday saw Manchester United lift the Carling Cup, their second piece of silverware this season. Wes knew this was going to be the case last week when he made his predictions.

Wes has predicted that there will be a big win in the north during the mid-week games. When questioned on his prediction he replied; “Take my word for it. I’m never wrong”.

February Poll Results

The IaaB poll for February asked who would be 7th in the Premier League at the end of the month. Our top answer with 27% was West Ham United, who are currently in 7th position. Well done to all who voted. Perhaps Mystic Wes was involved?

Throughout March we will ask how many goals Manchester United will concede in all competitions. To cast your vote go to the poll on the right side of the blog.

Nicklas Bendtner's Diary - Monday

This week sees the latest installment of our player diary features with Arsenal’s Danish forward Nicklas Bendtner giving us an exclusive insight into the life of a Premiership footballer.

Monday

I’m still pretty angry about the weekend. Arsene decided to play Vela in front of me on Saturday. At home to Fulham of all teams. I’m far too good to be warming the bench, and I made my feelings clear before kick-off. Carlos was terrible too and got hauled off after 65 mins. I thought I played really well when I came on. The only reason I didn’t score was that the rest of my team “mates” aren’t on the same level as me. I’m in my own world here at Arsenal. The fans go on about Henry and Bergkamp but I’m the true legend. It’s only a matter of time before they realise.

Arsene wanted us all in early this morning to do some shot training. Obviously I don’t need to practice but it’s good to show the young guns how it’s done. I’ve just bought a pair of pink Converse hi-top trainers and I decided to wear them this morning. Everyone knows I’m cool. RVP (Van Persie) is jealous and said that I looked like a gimp, but I know that I’m cool. Me and Ema (Eboue) hang out together. He appreciates how cool I am. He knows I’m doing him a favour by being his mate. We don’t like anyone else in the squad but that suits us fine.

Tonight me and Ema are going to play Fifa round at mine. We’d go to his but he only has a PS2. I won’t let him get a PS3 because he’s not cool enough. I have a PS3 and an Xbox 360 – god I’m cool. I'll go and pick him up in my black BMW M5. He'll have to sit in the back though. I’ll probably get Ema to prank call Toure and Walcott, and I’ll chat to some hot babes on MSN Messenger.

We’ll have a light training session first thing tomorrow and we have a game away at West Brom at night. I’m sure that I’ll be first on the team sheet. No worries.

Peace out. N.

A Break From Bouncebackability

Bouncebackability has been taking a SPL-esque winter break this week. Number9 has been hanging out with former Spurs player Ramon Vega. They have spent most of their time drinking espresso and discussing the finer details of his proposed Pompy takeover. He knew that it was a joke, but couldn’t bear to tell him. You Can Call Me Stan has been in Korea scouting Lee Keun-ho on behalf of Blackburn boss Sam Allardyce.

Next week, Mystic Wes and Jolean Lescott will be back as well as a special player diary from Nicklas Bendtner. We will also have the next contender for the Burton Premier League Style Icon 2009.

We will look forward to bouncing back next week.