Phil Brown: Is he Crap?

All of us are aware of the Premier League's very own Mexican manager Phil Brown, but after a season and a bit managing Hull in this league, we have to ask the question is he any good?

Last season, despite a superb start to the season followed by a monumental Leeds United style fall Brown managed to keep the Tigers in the prem. Along comes 09/10, and the difficult second season. Unlike Wigan and Bolton who have previosuly managed to avoid a second season drop, I have absolutely no faith that Phil Brown can do the same. To start with, the man doesn't look like a football manager, but the house karoke singer from 'Linker's bar' in Teneriffe.

Add to this his inability to deal with his team (I won't go into the pitch team talk at Eastlands last season), and his difficulty in the transfer market (Benjani today rejecting a move to the KC on grounds that Brown is a bit of a bell end) and you have the makings of the first managerial casulaty of the year. Sorry Phil. Though you never know, Paul (who?) Hart may well just pip you you it!

Mystic Wes 11

Many of you will know Wes Brown as the sometime Man United, sometime England defender. Others will know him as Mystic Wes due to his ability to predict the future with resounding accuracy. Every week, Wes will make his predictions known. A great source if you want to get a cheeky bet on.

Wes' record for the 2008/9 season was outstanding and we have full confidence that this will continue this term.


This week Wes has predicted that there will be a surprise addition to the Man United squad against Chelsea in the Charity Shield this afternoon. He said "All I'm saying is that he's an ex Liverpool, Real Madrid and Newcastle striker, who is most famous for scoring a goal for England v Argentina in the 2008 World Cup. He is also fond of horses. I don't want to give too much away".

We will be going to Wes on a weekly basis to get his predictions throughout the season.

The New Season

After a sloppy end to last season IAAB Bouncebackability is back for the new season. New features, interviews and possible lat signings are a prospect for the team. We have managed to keep hold of the big name players; Uncle Roy and Mystic Wes, despite some interest from abroad. At the moment we are unable to talk about the future of Jolean Lescott, but we hope this will be resolved within the week.

IAAB back once again - with news!

Another significant period of time has past since we last wrote. Apologies to our thousands of fans who have been left out to dry during this baron period.

There is a reason for this. Number 9 got engaged, and as a result has been tied up with other less important things for a few weeks. I have no excuses however, apart from the fact I don't have a reasonable internet connection.

To compensate for this I have been round the premier league grounds receiving congratulatory messages for number 9 following his good news.

We start at Wigan, where I met Mido in the JJB car park.

"Hey, great news on your engagement. Unlucky for Spurs that I am playing well at the moment. Should never of let me go."

Thanks Mido. From the JJB I went to Newcastle to meet Shearer. Little did I know that while Charles N'Zogbia had climbed into the boot of my Hyunda Getz and jumped out at the crucial moment hollering abuse at Shearer. Following this the Newcastle manager refused to comment on our good news.

So onwards to the Reebok. I was meeting Matt Taylor but as a bonus the gaffer, Gary Meggy Megson joined him.

Taylor - "Congrats mate, I knew you two would get married, wish it was me"

Megson - "This promises to be a fine event; I will start preparing a reading for the ceremony right away"

Megson also recommended a good vicar to conduct the ceremony. I was to meet him in Liverpool near Anfield and all I knew was his name was 'Sam'. I waited for what seemed an age before a builders van with ladders on the roof pulled up beside me. Unbelievably Sammy Lee got out. He apologised for being late, apparently he had been at Rafa's this morning doing some electrical wiring which had been a bigger job than he’d expected. It turns out he was the vicar Meggy had recommended. He said “oh yeah, I married half the Bolton squad and more recently Kuyt. I’ll do your ceremony, £30.00 all in.

Great, with the sorted we only had time for one more visit. I went South and to the home of, you guessed it, Uncle Roy.

Walking into Roy’s home was like taking a trip back to the sixties. Beige wallpaper, thick carpets and the smell of pensioners were what stood out for me. Roy was settling down in his favourite to an afternoon pipe but gave us these kind words.

“Marriage, I’ll tell you about marriage – It was 1962 and I was out shopping Gerry Francis. It was a Friday and we were off out on the pull, like any other Friday. I bought these grey cords, but my trick was always to buy a size too small. That way the ladies always have something to look at. Anyway, we got down ‘bar Copacabana’ early doors as we knew there would be fierce competition out that night. I had three pints of ale, Bass if I recall and Gerry and I were on the dance floor jiving away. Then rip. I burst my trousers. Couldn’t believe it. Gerry had the last laugh on that occasion. He had chosen to wear his trusty grey suit that he still wears to this day on Sky Sports News. It served him well, put it this way, he scored in more way than one that weekend!

Thanks Roy. Congratulations Number 9

Rafa's Factbook 2

1. Liverpool are going to win the Champions League.

2. Alex Ferguson is wrong.

3. Everton ARE a small club.

The Credit Crunch With Jolean Lescott 4

He's better known for landing crunching tackles on his opponents, but Everton centre half Jolean Lescott is also our resident shopaholic who looks high and low for bargains from club shops across the country. He is dedicated to helping you; the consumer with your day to day shopping. Jolean has enjoyed the multitude of European football on his TV this week and has been doing a bit of bargain hunting in the continental club shops. His first and most fruitful visit was to the Shakhtar Donesk club shop, where he found a number of must-have items for the rest of the season.


Jolean is obviously a Premier League footballer, and as such can afford to drive a nice car. His current spin is a 2007 Citroen Xsara Picasso; as he feels it mirrors his artistic side. There's nothing he hates more than to have a smelly car, so the right air freshener is essential. Shakhtar have this beautiful freshener on sale in their club shop for 6 Ukranian Grivna, which equates to around eight pence. Needless to say Jolean has bought 10,000. "I mean you can't put a price on the smell of a man's car. Sometimes I need to give the gaffer a lift home when his old Cortina breaks down. What would he say if my car smelt like Tony Hibbert's socks? I'd get dropped that's for sure!"

The air-freshener is available from http://www.shop.shakhtar.com/.

Goal of the Month - March

There were a few beauties scored last month, but we have decided that Carlos Tevez's effort against Fulham in the F.A. Cup was the standout strike. It was a Screamer!

Apologies for the video quality.