Rafa's Factbook 2

1. Liverpool are going to win the Champions League.

2. Alex Ferguson is wrong.

3. Everton ARE a small club.

The Credit Crunch With Jolean Lescott 4

He's better known for landing crunching tackles on his opponents, but Everton centre half Jolean Lescott is also our resident shopaholic who looks high and low for bargains from club shops across the country. He is dedicated to helping you; the consumer with your day to day shopping. Jolean has enjoyed the multitude of European football on his TV this week and has been doing a bit of bargain hunting in the continental club shops. His first and most fruitful visit was to the Shakhtar Donesk club shop, where he found a number of must-have items for the rest of the season.


Jolean is obviously a Premier League footballer, and as such can afford to drive a nice car. His current spin is a 2007 Citroen Xsara Picasso; as he feels it mirrors his artistic side. There's nothing he hates more than to have a smelly car, so the right air freshener is essential. Shakhtar have this beautiful freshener on sale in their club shop for 6 Ukranian Grivna, which equates to around eight pence. Needless to say Jolean has bought 10,000. "I mean you can't put a price on the smell of a man's car. Sometimes I need to give the gaffer a lift home when his old Cortina breaks down. What would he say if my car smelt like Tony Hibbert's socks? I'd get dropped that's for sure!"

The air-freshener is available from http://www.shop.shakhtar.com/.

Goal of the Month - March

There were a few beauties scored last month, but we have decided that Carlos Tevez's effort against Fulham in the F.A. Cup was the standout strike. It was a Screamer!

Apologies for the video quality.

April Poll

Although some of you will have already noticed the new poll on the blog, we wanted to draw attention to it, and also reveal the results from March.

We had asked you how many goals Manchester United would concede during the month with 41% opting to go for 5-10. Once again the majority rules with United letting in seven goals, including that 1v4 home defeat to Liverpool.

This month we have turned to the Champions league, and ask how many goals will be scored in the Quarter-Finals stage of the competition. The poll is open until the end of next week so get voting.

Ask Uncle Roy 3

It's been a mixed month for Roy, first getting a win against Manchester United, only to lose to Liverpool the following week. Fortunately for us his advice as an agony uncle is far more consistent than his team's results. We sat him down to run his eye over an e-mail we had in from Lee from Leeds.

"Hi Roy. I have recently installed 18 spotlights in my kitchen to improve the lighting in the room. Unfortunately this seems to have coincided with a loss of power to all of the power sockets in the adjacent dining room. I had re-wired the room as I thought was correct, but now I am at a loss. I have tried to re-wire the power sockets into the circuit but to no avail. I know you are a dab-hand on the old electrics Roy - please help!"

"Hello Lee. Thanks for pointing that out. Many people don't know how good I am round the house. I learned how to wire electrics in 1971. I did a day course at the local college and learned everything I needed to know. Back in those days we had to do all our own wiring round the house. Mind you we didn't have all these appliances like the kids have nowadays. I tell you from their gamestations to their sex-boxes they will all end up with eyes worse than Paddy Kenny. And that's no mean feat. In my day we'd have to make do with a ball and some chalk."

Rafa's Factbook 1

Everyone who knows football, knows Rafa Benitez loves a fact. We have had the pleasure of sitting down with Rafa to discuss his general knowledge of football and other less serious matters.



We have carefully documented some of his "facts" for your pleasure. It would be a good idea to note these down as you never know when they might pop up in a pub quiz. Rafa was delighted that we had taken an interest in his mind; saying "Yes. Very good." We're not saying that we agree with him on everything; in fact we think he's full of s**t, but we'll let you make up your own mind.


Fact 1: Liverpool have played against Chelsea this week.



Fact 2: Mars is the home of Olympus Mons, the largest known volcano in our solar system.



Fact 3: Lucas Levia was a good buy.

Mystic Wes 10

First off we must congratulate Wes on his predictions for the last round of international games. He was adamant that Christian Noboa would score; and right enough the lad from Equador scored the goals in the 1v1 draws with Brazil and Paraguay.

Back onto real (domestic) football Wes has stated that there will be a blatant penalty in the league over the weekend. We spoke to him this morning and he said; "well the way I see it the ref has no choice. Got to be a pen."

EXCLUSIVE - Ferguson & McGregor Interview

On the day when Barry “Baz” Ferguson and Alan “who shagged all the birds?” McGregor were banned from playing for Scotland, we managed to sit them both down for a quick chat. We met them at the Snaffle Bit lounge in Glasgow’s trendy West End. The lads had clearly been pounding it when we found them. Barry had a penis drawn on his head in biro, while Alan was sitting in his pants. We here at iaabouncebackability are always professional, and we apologise for any offence the following interview may cause.

Iaab: Alright lads, how’s it going?

Barry: Pure baws man

Alan: Aye pure baws like

Iaab: Don’t you think it’s kinda your own fault?

Barry: Naw

Iaab: Well it is though isn’t it?

Barry: Naw

Iaab: What about you Alan, what are your thoughts?

Alan: Roon ye man [Alan spills the rest of his pint and storms off]

Iaab: Alan wait.......

Barry: Leave him. He’s a pure fud.

Iaab: That’s not a very nice thing to say about your team-mate.

Barry: Aye well he is.

Iaab: Oh well, we’ll take your word for it. So are you ever going to play for Rangers again?

Barry: Well not the now; no.

Iaab: Really? Is that an exclusive?

Barry: Naw. I just mean no the now cause I’m blootered.

Iaab: Don’t you think this is a bad idea; drinking again?

Barry: Get tae f**k man. You are a pure fud an all!

At this point Barry stands up from the table, falls flat on his face and throws up all over his Le Coq Sportif bag. We couldn’t help but laugh, which only antagonised the shamed Glaswegian. What followed was a 50 word tirade of abuse that we refuse to print.

The conduct of Alan and Barry has been disgraceful this week and we fully support the decisions of the SFA and Rangers football club. If you have been affected by any of the issues discussed in this interview, you can contact our resident agony Uncle, Roy Hodgson at youcancallmestan@hotmail.co.uk.

We managed to get a photo of Alan before he left: