EXCLUSIVE - Ferguson & McGregor Interview

On the day when Barry “Baz” Ferguson and Alan “who shagged all the birds?” McGregor were banned from playing for Scotland, we managed to sit them both down for a quick chat. We met them at the Snaffle Bit lounge in Glasgow’s trendy West End. The lads had clearly been pounding it when we found them. Barry had a penis drawn on his head in biro, while Alan was sitting in his pants. We here at iaabouncebackability are always professional, and we apologise for any offence the following interview may cause.

Iaab: Alright lads, how’s it going?

Barry: Pure baws man

Alan: Aye pure baws like

Iaab: Don’t you think it’s kinda your own fault?

Barry: Naw

Iaab: Well it is though isn’t it?

Barry: Naw

Iaab: What about you Alan, what are your thoughts?

Alan: Roon ye man [Alan spills the rest of his pint and storms off]

Iaab: Alan wait.......

Barry: Leave him. He’s a pure fud.

Iaab: That’s not a very nice thing to say about your team-mate.

Barry: Aye well he is.

Iaab: Oh well, we’ll take your word for it. So are you ever going to play for Rangers again?

Barry: Well not the now; no.

Iaab: Really? Is that an exclusive?

Barry: Naw. I just mean no the now cause I’m blootered.

Iaab: Don’t you think this is a bad idea; drinking again?

Barry: Get tae f**k man. You are a pure fud an all!

At this point Barry stands up from the table, falls flat on his face and throws up all over his Le Coq Sportif bag. We couldn’t help but laugh, which only antagonised the shamed Glaswegian. What followed was a 50 word tirade of abuse that we refuse to print.

The conduct of Alan and Barry has been disgraceful this week and we fully support the decisions of the SFA and Rangers football club. If you have been affected by any of the issues discussed in this interview, you can contact our resident agony Uncle, Roy Hodgson at youcancallmestan@hotmail.co.uk.

We managed to get a photo of Alan before he left: