Nicklas Bendtner's Diary - Wednesday

BANG! Yeah that’s right. I was on F . I . R . E . last night. Arsene saw sense and put me on from the start and how long did it take me to find the net? FOUR minutes. Yeah I know. I’m the tits. It was a great goal too. I got the ball out wide and beat the entire West Brom defence before powering a shot into the bottom corner. There was no way the keeper was saving it – I mean that Carson is a class act and he got nowhere near it. My second was another class finish. I took the ball on my knee on the right side of the area and thrashed it into the net. I almost popped a boner at my own skill. I really do surprise myself sometimes. I came close to a hat-trick but I got put off by the lack of skill my team-mates were showing. Should guarantee me a place for Sunday’s game against Burnley in the F.A. Cup, although we’d be as well putting our name on the trophy now given my form.

I’m hoping that the fans will sing my song on Sunday. I haven’t heard them singing anything about me so I have taken the liberty of creating my own. It’s to the tune of Copacabana by Barry Manilow.

His name is Nicklas, he is a striker
With yellow boots on his feet, no way you’ll keep a clean sheet
He scores screamers, volleys in off the bar
And while he keeps being a star, Eboue is under par
Across the crowded box, his shots are never stopped
He is skillfull and truly handsome
Who could ask for more?

I’ve decided to skip training today. Me and Ema are going to go to town for a bit. We’ll likely go shopping for some new gear. I might actually help Ema get some new threads. His dress sense is horrific, and if he’s going to be hanging out with me then he needs to look the part. I won’t let him buy anything too cool though – those items are reserved for the N Man (a.k.a. me). I also want to nip into Au-Naturale while we are in to get a new full length mirror because I need a new one for my room. The one I have has been worn out by my handsome good looks.

I’ve been thinking about getting some diamante encrusted boots for a while now. I said it after I gave the pink ones their debut in the Champions League and people thought I was joking. They are on their way though. I put in a call to my agent this morning to ask him to chase Nike up on it. I have also asked him to look into getting me some TV work. I’d be amazing on TV. I’ll definitely go into punditry when I retire, but I’d like to get some showbiz experience just now. I think I could present the Oscars next year, or maybe something smaller like the Grammys.

I’ll likely have a quiet night in tonight. I’m going to have a look for a new hairstyle and maybe buy some threads from asos.com. I'll obviously watch replays of last night's game and tug myself.

Peace out. N.